Forgiveness is Freeing

The past few weeks have been probably the most stressful of my entire year here at school.  It is amazing the way conflict can drain one even more than schoolwork and classes.  But saddest of all perhaps is the way it can harm a friendship. And here it comes folks, the truth I have been harboring for weeks.  I don't really want to be friends with my "friend"anymore. (I'll call her "friend" for the sake of not gossiping).

Am I mad at her?  Not anymore but I was.  Did she hurt me? Yes, but I have forgiven her because that is what I am called to do (Ephesians 4:32).  Do I trust her? Oh no way in hell.  Do I want to be friends with her anymore? No not really.  Am I required to?  And here is the part I have been struggling with.

God calls us to love one another, and be kind.  He calls us to live in community as a family of believers.  But does that mean I have to best friends with everyone that is a believer?

It is always amazing to me the way God reveals his direction to me.  As I flipped through the handout at church this Sunday I felt a sudden mix of dread and excitement.  The message was titled "When Forgiving Seems Impossible" that sounded exactly like what I needed to hear.  It began as I expected it to, how keeping a conflict inside will cause us to burn with anger and leads to bitterness. (Believe me I understood that point).  How we are responsible to forgive wether or not that person asks us to, how we have an unlimited ability to forgive through the Holy Spirit.  And how the question is not can I forgive but will I forgive.

Let me tell you that was hitting me pretty heavy, all stuff I had heard before but needed to work harder at putting into practice.  The pastor also hit on forgiving someone also means praying for blessings in one's life and doing kind things for them.  Hard to do, but at this point  I was convicted to try harder.

Then he said something that surprised me.  He said that forgiveness does not mean 1) minimizing the person's offense 2) the instant removal of hurt 3) the automatic restoration of trust or the relationship without any changes.

There was my answer from God.  Yes he wants me to forgive my "friend", to love her, pray for her, and be kind to her.  However God knows that I have been hurt and he knows I do not trust her and I believe He is telling me, that is okay.  But he is calling me to love her, forgive her, and be kind to her, all things that I can only do with the help of His Spirit.  Forgiveness is freeing after all, and I am ready to let go.